"The person who’s responsible for spreading linguistic lies to people
by telling them that twanging is perfect when it comes to communicating
with fellow humans should be beaten with a toothbrush.Now, the majority of civilization walks around twanging every time they speak because they assume that it makes them seem as if they have perfected the suburban English accent. I guess this is because majority of people grew up with this erroneous perception that the better your English accent sounds, the more intelligent and educated you seem.
This delusional perception has created a huge strive to get the perfect English accent, which has resulted in some people turning to the disaster that is twanging.
Some twang in indigenous languages! Perhaps they have been fed the delusion that the more urban or suburban you sound in the way you speak, the wealthier or more sophisticated and trendier you are. People have glorified staying in urban/suburban areas to the point where it is a symbol of high status quo. This has also contributed to the disaster that is twanging.
Because of these delusions, I’m convinced that twanging is a social concern and should be dealt with before it becomes a national crisis. Today’s young people are being linguistically misled to believe that speaking in an elevated nasal tone is a mark of intelligence and high status quo. Even though I’m guilty of making a joke out of twanging, to the point where my friends and I spoke in ‘twang’ for a whole year and thus elevated the special language to mass popularity because it’s fun for us individuals that can snap back to speaking normally, I realized that twanging has serious consequences.
Oh yes! Twanging can destroy your life. Not only will you be the joke of the town, but you will be placed high up on the linguistic list of how not to speak. So let me share with you three consequences that you have to endure (whether you know it or not) if you have the perfect twang.
You sound ridiculous
Ridiculous does not even begin to describe how you sound when you twang. First of all, you’re speaking in a strong nasal tone of voice and simultaneously bopping your head around and pouting your lips in an attempt to create the perfect twang. Second of all, no one can hear what you’re saying because of the nasal tone, but more than that, the person that you’re speaking to is so focused on your dramatic gestures of speech because they are shocked that such gestures and form of speaking exists in the world. It’s quite mind-blowing actually.
People think you’re a joke because you sound and look ridiculous
People, like me, go back to their friends and mimic your nasal tone and body gestures, resulting in bursts of laughter that are never-ending. Your ridiculousness makes for great entertainment, and it actually creates a trend in street linguistics. But at the end of the day, you’re ‘that girl’ or ‘that guy’ that everyone laughs at.
You’re not audible
No one can understand what you’re saying when you twang because they can’t hear you. The nasal tone is quite distracting and you mince, chew and swallow you words while keeping them nasal. It sounds like an alien trying to sing a song with a broken mic. It’s even worse when you have a telephonic conversation with someone and you speak in ‘twang’. You probably don’t even hear what you’re saying.
I cannot stress the seriousness of these consequences enough. Ladies and gentlemen, twanging is bad for you. Twanging is a disaster, and it has no association with intelligence, high status quo or coolness. It has association though ridiculous and many laughs between friends. If twanging isn’t a joke for you but a day-to-day form of speech, I suggest you change that rapidly before it becomes a crisis."
